Week 12 – Washington @ San Francisco: Sleep school in more ways than one

So this week I screwed up. Double booked. I’m due to take my wife and 6 month old munchkin to sleep school and despite the temptation to let them go solo I Have To Go.

I knew that sleep school was on, I just didn’t think we were due there at 8.30 in the morning! The same time as we were playing the Washington ‘too damned stubborn to change our name’ Redskins. Who despite a good D, are terrible. Who were thrashed by the horrendous Bucs last week! At home no less. So SURELY this can be the week that the 49ers offense plays four quarters! (And in doing so make this the first stress-free win since Week 1).

I decide to try and follow it live as best as possible, as work will have the NFL on in the afternoon. While in the foyer I take a quick peek on my phone. 7-0 49ers early in the first, a long TD to Boldin! A nappy change is another chance for a quick look at my phone. Washington wasn’t doing anything offensively, but now have a long pass to Garcon, then Morris scores. 7-all.

After a 30-minute battle, the munchkin is sleeping and I’m following the early stages of the 3rd quarter with a tenuous 10-7 lead. Kaep throws a long INT and then it’s a defensive arm wrestle. The Nurse comes back for an intensive questionnaire regarding the maddening effects of sleep deprivation. I add it’s worse when mixed with an underperforming team whose Super Bowl window is closing by the minute! I receive two scowls of disapproval.

The Nurse keeps talking and I can’t stop from glancing at my phone. I’m trying to absorb her good willing diatribe but I also need a score update! Thirty minutes expires. What could be going on?! Surely, hopefully we have pulled away by now. My phone vibrates. She looks down to fill in some paperwork. I sneak at look at the message from the Big O.

One word. TROUBLE.

My head drops into my hands and my wife knows that look. That’s NOT GOOD at 10.57 am. There can’t be long to go. The Nurse is asking for my wife to fill in a survey about anxiety and depression. If it was handed to me right now it would be 10 on anxiety and 10 on depression if we lose this game!

Another message. C’MON!

Hope! But does he mean we’re close…we’re in front…we have one last chance? My head is racing. The Nurse leaves just as my ability to keep from looking at the web expires. I set a record for pin and web browsing and…we’re in front! 17-13. Washington has the ball but goes backwards and it refreshes to read FINAL just as the Nurse returns for the tour. Thank the Football Lord!

Relief turns to anger within minutes. When are we going to thrash one of these chumps?! Why is the offense last in the league for scoring in 2nd halves? Why are we last for sacks on first downs? Can we possibly put up enough points to beat Seattle next week?

When the anger subsides I remember that at least 49ers’ fans can dream playoffs for another four nights, and hope that a win against the Cheathawks will be the spark that gets us playing Super Bowl caliber football.

Nov 23
Levi’s Stadium, Santa Clara CA (70,799)

Washington 0 7 3 3 – 13
San Francisco 7 3 0 7 – 17

Passing: Colin Kaepernick (SF), 256 yds, 1 TD, 1 INT
Rushing: Alfred Morris (WSH), 21 car, 125 yds, 1 TD
Receiving: Anquan Boldin (SF), 9 rec, 137 yds, 1 TD
Pigskin Almanac “Dan Snyder go screw your self” award: Ahmad Brooks (for actually playing the entire game).

About Josh Slocum

Born into the red and white of the South Melbourne Swans, I remember being amazed at age 7 to see a team with our colours that actually won something when the 1984 49ers won the Superbowl. I've been following the red, white and gold ever since. Of recent times my frustrations at not winning a Superbowl since 1994 can be heard occasionally on the aussieguysnfl podcast.

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